"You know the area. And we're getting too old for capture missions." Gregor gave a pointed groan as he placed himself in a chair with his cup of coffee.
"As far as I know, my brothers still live out there. If they do, then I have no interest in seeing them. They could be dead and I wouldn't care." Penny-Nichole crossed her arms, turned up her nose, and faced away from Sarah and Gregor.
"Pen, that's not true. You may hate them, but you don't wish them dead. You're not heartless." Sarah walked over and placed her hand on Penny-Nichole's shoulder.
Penny-Nichole let out a deep sigh, dropping her arms.
"Sarah, I haven't been home in fifteen years. The land's probably changed, I won't know my way." Penny-Nichole knew she was going to have to track their mark, but she wanted to at least try to get out of it if possible.
Sarah gave a warm smile. "You'll be alright, dear. Here's your pack. You better get a move on before you miss your target."
With another heavy sigh, Penny-Nichole left the ship and headed off. They had parked the ship in the same place she'd been picked up all those years ago. The same rock Penny-Nichole used to cry on when her brothers beat her, still stained with blood from her small wounds, was sitting quietly by the forest. The sight of it filled her with anger and disgust.
After a few hours of surveillance, Penny-Nichole spotted her mark. She followed the target for another hour until he entered a shabby, rundown motel. It didn't appear like the mark was going to be leaving, so Penny-Nichole went to wander around. She walked up and down the streets, looking in the shop windows and meandering past the market stalls. It was a little past noon and the streets were buzzing.
Penny-Nichole stopped at a stall with several nice looking jackets. "Penny? Little Penny? Is... is that really... really you?" Penny-Nichole spun on her heals, hand already gripped to the hilt of her flame-sword.
"Who are you and what do you want?" Penny-Nichole locked eyes on a small crouched man with a scraggly beard.
"It... it's me! Travis Bellmer? I... well I..." His words faded off.
Penny-Nichole scowled. "You were that wretch that hung out with my brothers and laughed at their side as they beat me!"
"Yes... I am sorry about that. We were all young and stupid. But I am sure your brother would be happy to see-" Penny-Nichole held one of her smaller daggers up to Travis' throat.
"They are still alive? Where do they live?"
"P-p-please Penny! Please, can we just put the past behind us and be friends?" Travis stuttered.
"I'd rather die than ever befriend you. Now where are my brothers?" She pressed the dagger closer to his stubbly throat.
"Well, you see, we were all playing once a couple of years after you disappeared and, well, I was hiding up in the Crystal Cave! Cameron forgot where the entrance was and when he tried to run at me, he smashed his head... he didn't make it... Jaden found Cameron and I got too scared to come out and tell him where the entrance was because he just got so angry! One of his rampages. He ran straight into the crystal and smashed his head in too. It was hours before Quinn found me... I couldn't stop crying. He... he still lives in your old house alone. I think you should go and see him, Penny. He's not the same as he was when you left. You look good thought. You look like you've taken care of yourself." Travis' voice was soft and sincere.
"Is there a problem here, you two?" A gruff voice broke the moment. Penny-Nichole sheathed her dagger and turned to the police officer. She had forgotten where she was and hadn't realized that they were making a scene.
Travis quickly grasped Penny-Nichole in a hug. "I am terribly sorry for all of the pain I caused you." With that, Travis disappeared into the crowd.
Penny-Nichole knew she needed to check in on her mark, but she felt that seeing her brother was more important.
A short walk away from the market, Penny-Nichole made it to her old home. The sight of it reached into her chest and gave her heart a painful squeeze.
She walked with determination to the front door and, with a small hesitation, burst through it. Unlocked as always.
"Quinn! Hello? It's me! Penny!" Her voice echoed through the house. It was so empty compared to how she remembered it.
"Penny? No... it can't be... You disappeared. We lost you." A broken voice snaked its way to Penny-Nichole's ears. It was Quinn. A skeleton figure turned the corner and Penny-Nichole sprang back, battle ready.
"Quinn?" Penny-Nichole couldn't believe the frail figure cowering before her. Quinn began to cry like a small child as he draped his arms over her shoulders and sank into her shoulder.
"I am so sorry for how awful we were to you, Penny. We were so angry at our parents leaving and then you left. We didn't know that to do with ourselves. Please, sister, I am so sorry. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness and I don't blame you for leaving." Quinn wailed into her shoulder for a long time. Once he seemed out of tears, Penny-Nichole grasped his shoulders and held him back at arm's length.
She looked him in the eyes, searching his soul. "I forgive you, brother."
"Also, the Strike siblings are real.That's who I've been with for the past fifteen years." Penny-Nichole and Quinn chuckled happily.
Author's Note: This story is loosely based off of "The Jackal Would A-Wooing Go" by W. H. D. Rouse. In the original story, there is a group of lions made up of three brothers and one sister. The sister would always stay home and clean and the brothers would go out and hunt. A jackal that lived in a crystal cave nearby fell in love with the lioness and eventually asked her to marry him. She was disgusted and turned him down. Saddened, the jackal went home. The brother lions returned one at a time and offered food to the sister. When she refused and told them of the jackal, the first two lions ended up going to try to kill the jackal. But they both broke their skulls on the crystal walls of the cave. The third brother was smarter and found the entrance and scared the jackal to death. He went back to his sister and they lived happily. Penny-Nichole is a less dramatic version of the sister lion, and her brothers represent the lion brothers. Travis is supposed to be the jackal but asking for friendship instead of marriage and just disappearing instead of dying. While the lions were protecting their sister, P-N's brothers were just being stupid. I mostly used this story because I felt it would be a good way to end the stories of P-N and the Strike siblings. It would give more back ground to how long she had been away, how old the Strike siblings were, as well as give some closure to P-N and her brother. Hope you all enjoyed the adventures of the bounty hunter Strike siblings and Penny-Nichole!
Bibliography: "The Jackal Would A-Wooing Go" by W. H. D. Rouse
Well, I've only actually read the very first story and the very last story apparently! Either way, I really like the way that you told this story! It was a great way to happily end your extended story and give closure to everything. There were a few minor grammar problems, but overall I enjoyed the story!
ReplyDeleteI really like this twist that you put on the story! The idea of estranged siblings who haven't seen each other in year is always a great concept for story telling! I feel as though this really connects to Indian epics because for the most part, there are always family members upset with each other! Great job on this story!
ReplyDeleteThis felt like such a full, round story for our limited word count! Great job! I guess it helps keeping up with the same characters every week, and sort of knowing about them. Your original story in your Author's note was really intriguing, and I can see how it was an easy choice for this week's story, however, you did a great job in changing up a lot of the details. I only noticed a few typos, sometimes words were just flipped, for example:
ReplyDelete"We didn't know that to do with ourselves."
and "And we're getting old to for capture missions."
Otherwise, superb!
My favorite thing about your stories continues to be how convincing and persuasive your world is. Everyone has background and depth, and little references to things like the bloodied rock from P-N's childhood add fascinating layers to your characters. (I also laughed at how much Travis's scraggly beard and stubble were emphasized.) A great conclusion to the odyssey; it doesn't quite give full closure, but it keeps up that sense of a wider world that goes on.
ReplyDeleteHi, Sage! I liked the way you chose to transform your story from the original. You stuck to the original storyline but you made it your own by creating your own settings and characters. Even though this is for the ‘commenting on blogs’ assignment, I have gotten use to catching mistakes so I’ll just go ahead and point out the one mistake I caught.
ReplyDelete“And we're getting old to for capture missions.”
Change it to “getting too old”
Overall, I really enjoyed reading your story. Keep up the good work!
Hey Sage! I really enjoyed your style of writing this piece! I liked how it was mainly dialogue and how you were still able to keep up with everything in the background. I thought your rendition on this story was awesome and I enjoyed reading it. Keep writing!
ReplyDeleteI've never read any of your other stories before but I really love the interpretation of this one! It's such a sweet little ending. I don't know if I would have been able to forgive Quinn, but after everything that happened to him, I feel pretty bad for him. I hadn't read this story before so it was really cool to hear a new story! Also, who are the Strike siblings? I guess I'll have to read the rest of your stories to find out!
ReplyDeleteHi Sage! I found myself a bit lost reading this story, but only because I haven't been keeping up with any of the previous stories. I really enjoyed how sweet the ending was! I also really like how this ended up being a completely new story compared to what I was expecting.I did feel bad for Quinn though. Great job on this story! I still adore your style of writing in general. I think that you do a great job with the rest of your stories as well! Your blog is one that I do my best to keep up with, but with finals week and everything going on along with it, it became more and more strenuous. However, great job!
ReplyDeleteI've really enjoyed your stories over the course of this semester. I was too scared to try to write a story that builds each week. It seemed too difficult and I was worried I'd run into writers block. You must have a great imagination! I only saw one typo...
ReplyDelete"You look good thought."
It should said "though" rather than "thought". I hope you've enjoyed class this semester! Have a wonderful break!