"How did he even find us on this planet? We went alone! There is no way, out of all of the ships, that he could have singled just us out. And why just us? What did we do to him, it was a group effort to kill his horrid brother!" Gregor stood and grasped Penny-Nichole by the arm. She spun furiously around and glared at him.
"Penny-Nichole, now is the time to be calm. I know this land and I know what we must do to have the bridge built. But we can't go until tomorrow so for now, sit, be still, and breathe. Let me tell you a story of the last time Sarah and I visited this planet." Penny-Nichole firmly pulled her arm from Gregor's grasp but she did also take a deep breath to calm herself and plopped cross legged on the ground. Gregor smirked and settled down onto his makeshift seat.
"This is the planet Mauku. A planet that is filled with things that our people consider to be magical and mystical but are perfectly normal to the Maukuns. There are clans of shape-shifting cat people and jackals and wolves, there are monkey-men, there are demons and goblins, there are creatures of such power that all across this planet they are considered to be deities, as you have seen with some of our adventures here already. One such god-like creature here on Mauku, considered to be a god of seas and oceans, holds the power to create a bridge for us. Tomorrow we will journey there to pray to him and ask for his assistance but we must be gentle about it. We don't know all of the practices of the people here and we don't want to offend the balance of this world." Gregor continued to tell Penny-Nichole stories of his adventures with the clan of Leonum and the fierce battles he had been through. Over time Penny-Nichole relaxed entirely and began to enjoy the stories. After hunting for dinner and one last run through of the plan, Gregor and Penny-Nichole settled down for bed.
Morning came and Penny-Nichole sprang from her bed.
"Pops, come on, Pops, we need to leave. Come on, old man! It's time to go! We have to save Sarah!" Gregor grumbled his way up and soon the two left.
It wasn't a long journey to the ocean deity. It took exceptionally less time than it should have mostly because Penny-Nichole walked like a cheetah ran and cut their travel time in half.
"Let me do the talking. I would like for you to stand guard." Penny-Nichole nodded and stood back as Gregor sat by the edge of a large crystal clear lake. He folded his hands together and began mumbling under his breath. This continued for what seemed like several hours until Gregor let out a heavy sigh and stood.
"There seems to be no answer... I wonder if there is something else I should be doing." Gregor scratched his head and took an old book out of his satchel and flipped through it.
Penny-Nichole let loose a fearsome growl and walked to where Gregor had just been sitting. She looked out over the water and called, "We will not be ignored. Not at a time like this. Water god, can you hear me? My name is Penny-Nichole of Earth and we have come to seek your aid! We have gifts from several other gods of your world as well as other worlds. Do not dare to ignore us or you shall feel my wrath!" Penny-Nichole bellowed out over the water. However, while the waters trembled in fear of her anger, the water god still did not respond.
"Alrighty then. I guess we are doing this the hard way." Penny-Nichole reached behind her and, out of thin air, pulled a slim, gleaming bow. A matching quiver with wicked-looking arrows formed around her torso. She pulled an arrow and nocked it to her bow. "Last chance!" she called to whatever was listening. After waiting a long moment she released her mighty arrows into the water. Gregor thought to stop her, but he didn't know any other way to get the water god's attention, so he stood back and simply observed.
After releasing about twenty arrows at the lake and watching them disappear into the darkness, a great being rose from the water and hovered in front of Penny-Nichole, "My young child, I have heard your cries and I have felt your arrows fly through my kingdom." The being lifted his hand and the water beside him rumbled eerily. Penny-Nichole nocked another arrow and aimed it at the being while Gregor ran to her side with his sword at the ready. The being chuckled and grasped the scepter that had risen from the water. Grasping it longways so that it was parallel to the surface of the lake, the being held the scepter out to Penny-Nichole.
"Take hold of this with me, small one. I will assist you in building the bridge to Lanka to find your beloved friend." Penny-Nichole stood there for a moment longer before putting the arrow back in her quiver and, just as the bow and quiver appeared, the weapons disappeared from her body. She walked forward and grasped the scepter. The being smiled, lifted its head and spoke a few words before a beam of light shot from the scepter, forming a great bridge to Lanka. The light blinded Penny-Nichole and Gregor so they didn't see it leave but when they opened their eyes the great being was gone.
Author's note:
This story is based off of the story "The Bridge" from the Ramayana. The original story is very short. Basically Rama tries to give sacrifices to the king of the ocean but gets no response so he gets pissed and starts shooting arrows into the water. The king of the ocean appears and is very kind and gentle to Rama and helps him create the bridge. Really he calms the waters so that the monkey army (that I accidentally forgot to add) can create the bridge. It was the most logical next step after my last story and I really feel like it does the best job of showing Penny-Nichole and Gregor and even Sarah a little as the different parts of Rama. Penny-Nichole is the fierce warrior side and Gregor is the curious and wise and experienced side of Rama. Sarah is supposed to represent Rama's. It was easy to do this story but it was also a lot of fun. I really can't wait to unleash Penny-Nichole's kickass skills when they actually make it to Rava (who is clearly Ravana). I realize they don't have the giant army that Rama did, but I can create that later.
If you would like to read a little more about some of Gregor and Sarah Strike's adventures you can go to my old storybook here: Planet of the Cats
If you want to read even MORE of their exciting adventures, here is my old blog: Old Myth & Folklore blog
Bibliography: The Bridge by Donald A. Mackenzie
Kind of the bow I imagined Penny-Nichole using.
Hey Sage,
ReplyDeleteIt's been a few weeks since I read one of your first stories for this class, so for a moment there I was trying to identify which character, Gregor or Penny-Nichole, stood in for Rama. Gregor is wise and even-tempered like Rama, but Penny-Nichole is determined to rescue Sarah as quickly as possible (as Rama was with Sita). When your author's note reminded me that the three characters are all meant to be parts of Rama, I could see how the time you've spent with these characters has paid off. The alteration you made to the story was a nice one, too; the ocean god's cooperation lets us avoid the detour to Hanuman's clan and lets you decide whether or not you even want to bring in a character for Hanuman. Great chapter!
Hey Sage! What a creative idea to have three characters representing the different sides of Rama -- I'm going to have to go and check out some of your other stories to see how you've really developed them. From the sounds of Grant's comment, you've really put some time and effort into them. It's such an interesting idea to use them throughout the stories each week, for continuity, but it also allows you to enrich them and develop them more than the 1000 word cap per story -- which is sometimes a struggle for me to stay within, while still developing the story "enough" (in my opinion). Neat stuff, I'll be checking out more of it!
ReplyDeleteHi Sage. I like that you decided to clearly divide the different parts of Rama into separate personalities with specific dominant traits. I especially love that you made Penny-Nichole, the female, into the warrior personality of the group. It works really well! You do have a few little grammar problems, like some missing commas and I think you might have transcribed a ‘d’. You have ‘ignore’, instead of ignored (We will not be ignore), and ‘and’ instead of ‘an’ (She pulled and arrow and knocked it…). Honestly, those were really the only problems that I noticed with the story. It has a great flow and everything, and I didn’t notice any continuity problems either. It did make me want to read some of your previous stories though! I always enjoy reading stories in which the woman is the warrior hero and the guy is the smarts/damsel in distress most of the time. It’s far more entertaining to me.
ReplyDeleteHi Sage! I like that in your story there are many characters that represent different characteristics of Rama. I like that this is set in some sort of a sci-fi universe, but I feel that I needed more background at the beginning to really understand what the characters are going through. I have only read this one part of the stories that you have written about their adventures, so I left the story really wanting to know more about them. Is this a storybook or a portfolio? Gregor mentioned a couple of times that he was telling about the adventures that he had had in the past and I want to hear about them, too. I assume Penny-Nichole and Gregor are related from when Penny-Nichole calls Gregor Pops. Do they all have special powers like Penny-Nichole’s running as fast as a cheetah? I feel like there is so much more to know about your characters!
ReplyDeleteSomething a little bit more technical about your portfolio is that the Index wasn’t at the top of the page when I went to your portfolio section. This makes it easier to navigate. Thank you for the good read!
Hey Sage! I remember your first story about the space battle and how you portrayed Rama in different characters. I liked that you kept that theme going here, and you brought these characters to life in this setting too. I personally love Sci-fi and you did a really great job delivering this story!
ReplyDeleteHi Sage! Adding the short explanation at the beginning of your portfolio was a great idea. Sometimes it's difficult to tell a story with characters that seem so familiar to you but when you tell other people, they need more back story. I love that you added the relationship between Penny-Nichole and the siblings. Your story contains some of the most intricate character background that I've read so far in this class.
ReplyDeleteIn "We Shall Pass" it jumped into the story really quickly before re-establishing the relationships between the characters, but I'm guessing you did this on purpose for effect. You said in your author's note that you forgot to add the monkey army, but honestly I don't know if you really need it. The scene where Penny-Nichole gets angry at the lake and is about to attack the god that appeared was a great scene, especially since you added some extra humor in there. The contrast between Penny-Nichole's anger and the god's calmness creates a mysterious atmosphere that really doesn't need extra characters.