"I remember this one." Penny-Nichole spoke softly to herself as she started reading the tale of how she used the moon to fend off hungry murderous giants.
Entry (the date had been long since smudged off),
I have been traveling with my heroes, the Strike siblings, for about six months now and I couldn't ask for anything more in this great universe. They have taught me so much and have never shown me an ounce of meanness.
Sarah and Gregor bicker a lot, but I can tell they still care for each other a great deal. Gregor likes to push Sarah's buttons even though he knows Sarah will win. I like it most when they are bickering and Gregor is smiling the entire time. It drives Sarah mad! I think he does it just to make me laugh sometimes. Sarah will come down and read me bedtime stories every few days, which makes me so happy! It's like I finally have the family I always wanted. Ma and Dad tried their hardest and I loved them for it, but with so many kids, it was hard to give us all the time we needed.
Penny-Nichole's smile grew. Her handwriting had been so atrocious when she was younger, and the page was covered in strange little doodles that easily gave away her age at the time of the entry.
She continued to read on.
Entry (some time a few weeks after the previous entry)
We have been on this strange planet for a couple weeks now and I really like it here! The natives we found are so adorable. They are small and fluffy with long ears that stand straight up usually! They have these giant hind-legs that they use to hop around on and squishy little tails. They have been ever so kind to us as we fix the ship up but a few nights ago a horrible thing happened. Apparently a family of giants decided to move into the patch of woods that lined the fluffy creature's land. When they made it to the land, there was a horrible sound that is still stuck in my brain. When we went to investigate we found three whole families had been squished to death by the giants! It was awful. Although, I remember everyone getting so sad and crying but I just got really angry. I think it reminded me too much of my brothers.
Penny-Nichole saddened a little at the thought of her brothers. She hadn't seen them or spoken to them since the day she left Earth. Pushing the thought aside, she continued on.
I couldn't understand why the fluffy creatures didn't seem to want to do anything so,when everyone started heading back to the village I turned right back around and walked into the middle of the giant's family! I think I scared Gregor and Sarah just a little when they realized where I'd gone. In fact, everyone seemed startled! They shuffled up behind me and watched. I remember I yelled out to the brutes to go away! I told them that I was a goddess child from the moon come to vanquish them if they did not leave the land of the fluffy creatures! They just ignored me though, which just made me more angry! I remember looking over and seeing the large full moon reflected in the lake they were splashing in. Haha, I was so excited! I had formed quite the plan in no time at all. I wanted so badly to avenge the squished fluffy things!
"You see? My lady, The Moon, has come down from the heavens herself to make you leave! If you don't leave soon and she manages to get a hold of you,she will surely drag you back up to the sky with her so that you can never smoosh one of her little creatures again!" When I yelled that to the giants they finally looked down and became so scared of the moon they they ran away! the fluffy creatures cheered and bounced all over the place! I remember we had a sort of party that night to celebrate the giants leave but also to celebrate the poor squished fluffy creatures. It was a lot of fun! I got to stay up way past my normal bedtime.
I can't wait to see what adventures I will get to have tomorrow!
Penny-Nichole giggled to herself as she closed the journal and set it beside her bed.
Author's note: This story is based off of The Hare in the Moon by Devi Shovona. In the original story, a herd of elephants moved into an area that was already inhabited by hares and so, when they settled in, they trampled and killed a lot of the creatures. One hare in particular stood up to the elephants and used the moon's image to help drive them away again. I kept the same premise of the story but instead of elephants I have giants and instead of the hare saving the day, I have my little Penny-Nichole! I thought this story would be a really cute way to start going over some of the earlier stories with young Penny-Nichole and the Strike siblings. It also gets to show that P-N was just as much a little spitfire when she first joined the siblings as she is in the other stories. I noticed, with this story, that I am not particularly good at doing journal entry like stories, nor do I particularly like doing them. That may stem from all of the horrible journal entries I had to do when I was younger. I now respect those who's entire storybook or portfolio is in this style!
Hey Sage! I think you do a great job taking ideas from the original story and putting them into your own stories! Penny-Nichole is such a great character and you have done a great job developing her story! I also love that you call the locals “fluffy creatures”! Great job, and I can’t wait to read more of your stories this semester!
ReplyDeleteHello Sage,
ReplyDeleteThis story was awesome! I was extremely entertained with this story and I loved how you wrote it as if it were Penny’s personal journal. This was a very creative way to write your story while still maintaining the same storyline as the original. Overall this was a very entertaining story and I could not find any grammatical errors with your writing.
Wonderful entry, Sage! Your attention to the little details is what makes this chapter, I think. Take the first journal entry, for example: "Entry (the date had been long since smudged off)"--a very thoughtful and immersive detail. The only problem is, the next journal entry is supposed to be "a few weeks after the previous", which we can't know if the previous date has been effaced! In general, though, I really appreciate how you take every chance to expand the world & characters, like when P-N thinks back to her brothers on Earth for a moment.
ReplyDeleteThis was my first story of yours to read, but now I want to go back and read more about Penny-Nichole! She is a great character and I love that you said you've used her in more than one story. I also love that you changed the story to include the cute fluffy little creatures. This gives the readers the opportunity to create their own visions of the cutest characters...which makes it even more heartbreaking when they are crushed.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great story. I really enjoyed reading it, and judging by your Author's Note, I love the way that you altered the original.
This was a really cute story. Although I haven’t read the original version of the story, I feel that your author’s note explained it all. The journal entry method isn’t for me either, I find it hard to talk about events occurring in first person especially if they are fiction. Though you might have had difficulty I still think you did a fantastic job.
ReplyDeleteHow lovely! Despite your comments in your Author's Note, I think you actually did a really good job in you journal entry style! The contrast between Penny today and Penny back then was clear, yet we still retained the same core girl throughout, which you mention, trying to carry her spitfire-ness from past to present. I really enjoyed this story that you chose and how you changed it up. I actually just finished Oryx & Crake by Margaret Atwood, which is a dystopian future novel with new, genetically modified humans and one male human left to guide them. The one male human left still grows whiskers, while the genetically modified humans are hairless and naked, so they refer to the original, hairy human as having "feathers". For some reason, while reading your story, I transposed the small, fluffy creatues as hairy, bearded humans and then the giants were just giants! It made reading your story really, really fun. Great job, as always, and good job for exploring a new style! New styles are hard to do!
ReplyDeleteHey Sage! I think you did an amazing job writing this story. It flowed really well and I love how detailed your visual observations were. I felt like I was reading a part of a bigger novel. I this you told your story wonderfully!
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